Almost Thirty

In less than a week, I will turn thirty. Thirty was my benchmark. I always knew that I would be a mother by the time I turned thirty. When it became clear last Spring that I would not be a mother by 1/8/2009, I altered my "dream" to settling to at least being pregnant by the time I turned thirty. No such luck. I'm on Cycle 15 or 16, I think, and I have absolutely no hope that I will ever get pregnant without assistance.

All around, women are conceiving and giving birth to their beautiful children. I've tried to articulate my struggles to some of my friends, but in the end, I don't think one can truly understand this predicament unless they've been here themselves. I feel like my life is temporarily on hold until I find the answers that I seek.

Starting Over

The bitch arrived yesterday, early and uninvited, only twenty-two days after she visited last. What the fuck. We've been unofficially trying to conceive since last July. I've never been on birth control so I thought that I get pregnant immediately. No such luck. Meanwhile, three of my closest friends are expecting and about ten acquaintances are. It is going to be a rough 2008!


Deep down, I know that something is not right, either with me or my husband, or both. Shit needs to get done this month....meaning that I made an appointment with a highly recommended Ob-Gyn and my husband must get a sperm analysis this month. No more waiting.

Introduction

After months of perusing pregnancy and infertility blogs, I've decided to document my journey - primarily because I've reached a point of complete frustration and am not sure who or where to turn to.